Thursday, October 14, 2010
When I am weak, then I am strong.
"You're as healthy as a horse". That's what they always told me. Growing up I was never allowed a day of school because of sickness. I tried everything - falling out of trees, off my bike - but my bones would just not break.
In 1980, after failing my HSC, I left home to join a Christian Theatre Company known as `The Covenant Players'. I was on the road for 6 months, when I began having seizures. I was later diagnosed with Epilepsy. I gave the doctors a real hard time, but it wasn't too long before I was on the road again.
My Epilepsy became a `thorn in my side'. I continued to have grand mal seizures in the most `public of places' - at bus stops, shopping centres, the zoo, and even at Church. I would usually end up in hospital, feeling like a complete `dork' because I couldn't even remember my name.
For many years my Eplipsy continued to plague me, because they just couldn't find any medication that would work. I started to become very dependent on others, which I hated. It wasn't long before I started having anxiety attacks at just the thought of leaving the house.
One of these days, when I was feeling rather sorry for myself, I opened my Bible and discovered this passage in 2 Corinthians 12. In Verse 7, Paul tells us of the "thorn in his flesh" that keeps him from `getting puffed up'. Like myself, Paul had begged that his `thorn' be taken away, and the answer he always received from God was: "My gracious favour is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." (NLT) .
Paul's `thorn' would strike him at the most annoying of times, but when he was at his weakest, he was then able to gain strength from God.
"Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quiet
content with my weakness and with insults,
hardships, persecutions and calamities.
FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG."
2 Corinthians 12:10 (NLT)
I took hold of this promise back when I was a young woman, and now as I grow older and I have other `thorns' to bear, I continually claim it as my own. It has been 6 years since I have had my last fit. I am now a qualified teacher and I have my licence. I have my independence, but still I rely most on my dependence on God.
In 1980, after failing my HSC, I left home to join a Christian Theatre Company known as `The Covenant Players'. I was on the road for 6 months, when I began having seizures. I was later diagnosed with Epilepsy. I gave the doctors a real hard time, but it wasn't too long before I was on the road again.
My Epilepsy became a `thorn in my side'. I continued to have grand mal seizures in the most `public of places' - at bus stops, shopping centres, the zoo, and even at Church. I would usually end up in hospital, feeling like a complete `dork' because I couldn't even remember my name.
For many years my Eplipsy continued to plague me, because they just couldn't find any medication that would work. I started to become very dependent on others, which I hated. It wasn't long before I started having anxiety attacks at just the thought of leaving the house.
One of these days, when I was feeling rather sorry for myself, I opened my Bible and discovered this passage in 2 Corinthians 12. In Verse 7, Paul tells us of the "thorn in his flesh" that keeps him from `getting puffed up'. Like myself, Paul had begged that his `thorn' be taken away, and the answer he always received from God was: "My gracious favour is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." (NLT) .
Paul's `thorn' would strike him at the most annoying of times, but when he was at his weakest, he was then able to gain strength from God.
"Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quiet
content with my weakness and with insults,
hardships, persecutions and calamities.
FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG."
2 Corinthians 12:10 (NLT)
I took hold of this promise back when I was a young woman, and now as I grow older and I have other `thorns' to bear, I continually claim it as my own. It has been 6 years since I have had my last fit. I am now a qualified teacher and I have my licence. I have my independence, but still I rely most on my dependence on God.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
There was one person in my life that I never knew. Everyone used to tell me how much she was like me, and I hated it. Her name was Elsie Margaret Grant, and she was my mother. She die of Breast Cancer in 1964, at the age of 36. I was only 3 years old, and for nearly 25 years I lived with this bitterness - a mother who had left me, who had made my early years hell because I she wasn't there, and a mother who had left me this legacy of an early death.
Recently I found part of the eulogy that was read at her wedding:
"She had a very happy nature. Her attitude was, `don't complain, there are others worse off than myself. Don't fuss over me. She would pass people and say hello to many strangers. He sister once asked her why, and she said, "I don't know why, but isn't it great to smile and to make new friends."
She was always laughing and smiling. I don't ever remember her crying or complaining. She was always in a light of pain, but her response would be, "Jesus is bearing my pain" On the night she died, the last question she asked of me (her sister) was "Have I done enough. I will only go if I know I have done all I can for the Lord." "
Soon I will celebrate my 50th birthday. The only woman in my family to have lived that long. You see that legacy of death was something I needn't have feared, because instead my Mum has left me with a legacy of life- a legacy of love., of joy and of service for the Lord. He hasn't finished with me yet!!
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
I know a man, his name is horner.
He used to live on Grumble Corner.
Grumble Corner in Crosspatch Town
And his face was never without a frown.
He grumbled at this, he grumbled at that
He grumbled at his dog and he grumbled at the cat.
He grumbled in the morning, he grumbled at night
And to grumble and growl was his chief delight.
He grumbled so much at his wife that she
Began to grumble as well as she.
And all the children, wherever they went
Reflected their parents discontent.
If the sky was dark and betoken rain
Mr Horner was sure to complain.
And if there was never a cloud about
He grumbled because of the threatened drought.
One day as I loitered along the street
My old acquintance I chanced to meet.
His face was without a look of care
And the ugly frown that he used to wear.
"I may be mistaken, perhaps I said,
As after saluting I turned my head,
"But it is - and isn't it - that Mr Horner
That used to live on Grumble Corner.
I met him the next day and I met him again.
In melting hot weather and pouring rain.
When stocks were up and stocks were down,
But a smile had somehow replaced the frown.
Dorothy Gaunson
Recently I found part of the eulogy that was read at her wedding:
"She had a very happy nature. Her attitude was, `don't complain, there are others worse off than myself. Don't fuss over me. She would pass people and say hello to many strangers. He sister once asked her why, and she said, "I don't know why, but isn't it great to smile and to make new friends."
She was always laughing and smiling. I don't ever remember her crying or complaining. She was always in a light of pain, but her response would be, "Jesus is bearing my pain" On the night she died, the last question she asked of me (her sister) was "Have I done enough. I will only go if I know I have done all I can for the Lord." "
Soon I will celebrate my 50th birthday. The only woman in my family to have lived that long. You see that legacy of death was something I needn't have feared, because instead my Mum has left me with a legacy of life- a legacy of love., of joy and of service for the Lord. He hasn't finished with me yet!!
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
I know a man, his name is horner.
He used to live on Grumble Corner.
Grumble Corner in Crosspatch Town
And his face was never without a frown.
He grumbled at this, he grumbled at that
He grumbled at his dog and he grumbled at the cat.
He grumbled in the morning, he grumbled at night
And to grumble and growl was his chief delight.
He grumbled so much at his wife that she
Began to grumble as well as she.
And all the children, wherever they went
Reflected their parents discontent.
If the sky was dark and betoken rain
Mr Horner was sure to complain.
And if there was never a cloud about
He grumbled because of the threatened drought.
One day as I loitered along the street
My old acquintance I chanced to meet.
His face was without a look of care
And the ugly frown that he used to wear.
"I may be mistaken, perhaps I said,
As after saluting I turned my head,
"But it is - and isn't it - that Mr Horner
That used to live on Grumble Corner.
I met him the next day and I met him again.
In melting hot weather and pouring rain.
When stocks were up and stocks were down,
But a smile had somehow replaced the frown.
Dorothy Gaunson
Friday, May 8, 2009
"In the same way, let your light shine before men,
that they may see your good work, and glorify your
Father in Heaven." MATTHEW 5:16
One of the things Aunty Dorothy had the great knack of doing was making people smile.
It was impossible to feel discouraged, afraid or angry when she was around. I guess that's why I miss her so much. She did this, many a time, when we were children, by teaching us little songs to sing. Remember this one:
"Let the sunshine in, face it with a grin
Smilers never lose and frowners never win.
So let the sunshine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sunshine in."
Aunty Dorothy knew well where to find that sunshine. It came from having the Lord Jesus living in her heart. She showed me how to find it too. Yet there are so many adults and children who haven't found it yet, so it's up to us to show them how. How do we do this? Well, it starts with a smile!!
I THINK IF I.
I think if I were Nancy with lessons hard to learn
I'd do the very best I could, the highest marks to learn.
Not throw the hateful book away, and to my play things turn.
I think if I were Maisie with some winsome face and smile,
I wouldn't quarrel with my friends and be not speaking all the while.
I'd be the same to everyone and live up to my smile.
I think if I were Johnnie, playing a game of ball.
I'd drop the bat at once and run, should my Mum chance to call.
The boy who answers to His name is manliest of all.
I think if I were Billie with errands to be done,
I'd finish everyone of them, before the sun was down.
And be the little businessman and brighten work with fun.
I think if I were Betty with a tiny sister Sue
I'd take her for a walk with me, I'd pet her, wouldn't you.
I'd never say, she dragged along, as some big sisters do.
I think, just listen children, if I were a child today,
I'd scatter joy and happiness, and sunshine all the way.
I'd make the very best of life, at home, at school, at play.
that they may see your good work, and glorify your
Father in Heaven." MATTHEW 5:16
One of the things Aunty Dorothy had the great knack of doing was making people smile.
It was impossible to feel discouraged, afraid or angry when she was around. I guess that's why I miss her so much. She did this, many a time, when we were children, by teaching us little songs to sing. Remember this one:
"Let the sunshine in, face it with a grin
Smilers never lose and frowners never win.
So let the sunshine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sunshine in."
Aunty Dorothy knew well where to find that sunshine. It came from having the Lord Jesus living in her heart. She showed me how to find it too. Yet there are so many adults and children who haven't found it yet, so it's up to us to show them how. How do we do this? Well, it starts with a smile!!
I THINK IF I.
I think if I were Nancy with lessons hard to learn
I'd do the very best I could, the highest marks to learn.
Not throw the hateful book away, and to my play things turn.
I think if I were Maisie with some winsome face and smile,
I wouldn't quarrel with my friends and be not speaking all the while.
I'd be the same to everyone and live up to my smile.
I think if I were Johnnie, playing a game of ball.
I'd drop the bat at once and run, should my Mum chance to call.
The boy who answers to His name is manliest of all.
I think if I were Billie with errands to be done,
I'd finish everyone of them, before the sun was down.
And be the little businessman and brighten work with fun.
I think if I were Betty with a tiny sister Sue
I'd take her for a walk with me, I'd pet her, wouldn't you.
I'd never say, she dragged along, as some big sisters do.
I think, just listen children, if I were a child today,
I'd scatter joy and happiness, and sunshine all the way.
I'd make the very best of life, at home, at school, at play.
CHANGE!!
`Change' is another one of those situations that can effect you positively, or negatively depending on how you face it.
I have had a lot of changes in my life, and most of the time, I have come out on top. In April 1964, my mother died of breast cancer; leaving my father to bring up 3 young children, under the age of 5. My older sister, Mary, was at school, and she wasn't to hard to handle. Miriam was a little baby, and everyone loves a cute baby, so she went to live with an Auntie. But what about a 2 1/2 year old `mischievious' little bundle of joy. Well, I went to live with my grandparents. I don't remember much about that time, except I am sure I must of missed my Dad.
The time line is vague, but I think I must have been about 4 years old when we finally came together as a family, with our first `Nanny'. We had a number of different Nanny's over the years. I guess three rambunctious young girls was difficult for them to handle, but Aunty Dorothy stood the test. When she left, I was about 6 years old, and I felt abandoned again.
At age 11, my Dad re-married, and I thought this was great. Being the child of a single parent, in those days was difficult. I remember, life at school was really tough. Unfortunately (well, it seemed so at the time), along with a mother, came four older sisters. As far as I was concerned, one big sister to `boss me around' was quite enough to handle.
But of course, she wasn't the wicked stepmother, and there were no wicked step-sisters. We were a family of 7 girls, 2 of which were already married. There wasn't a lot of attention, for a little 11 year old; but I got to have my first birthday party, and I learnt how to brush my hair and even wear a dress. (You need to see my previous school photos to see how important that was to a young girl
Guess which ones me? Guess which girls I wanted to be like?
I burnt the Year 4 photo - it was just too bad!!
A couple of years later, as I moved into my teen years, Mum and Dad decided we needed a boy in the family, so they fostered a 4 year old, Gavin. Gavin had a little disability - a curvature of the spine - though you would never had known. When he got a little older he had to have an operation and wear a brace; so a lot of time was spent with him at hospitals etc. You can also imagine the attention he got from 7 sisters. This was a great addition to the family, and to make things more exciting, we decided it was time to move house. Another change; but what I thought was a good one!!
Over the years, married to a soldier, I discovered how much I loved moving house - I enjoyed change, and coped with it quite well. It was not until the death of my first child, and I went into `therapy' that I discovered that these earlier changes had affected me a little more than I'd realized. I still held some bitterness for the times I had felt abandoned, and what they now call my `rejection syndrome'. It is something, that over the years I have continually struggled with.
I have had my bad days (or should I say months/years) and my good days, but thank the Lord, I have always had Him by my side. We can sometimes see change as a negative, but with God's help, we can find the positives, and find our way to VICTORY!!
THE SERENITY PRAYER
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Author Unknown
I have had a lot of changes in my life, and most of the time, I have come out on top. In April 1964, my mother died of breast cancer; leaving my father to bring up 3 young children, under the age of 5. My older sister, Mary, was at school, and she wasn't to hard to handle. Miriam was a little baby, and everyone loves a cute baby, so she went to live with an Auntie. But what about a 2 1/2 year old `mischievious' little bundle of joy. Well, I went to live with my grandparents. I don't remember much about that time, except I am sure I must of missed my Dad.
The time line is vague, but I think I must have been about 4 years old when we finally came together as a family, with our first `Nanny'. We had a number of different Nanny's over the years. I guess three rambunctious young girls was difficult for them to handle, but Aunty Dorothy stood the test. When she left, I was about 6 years old, and I felt abandoned again.
At age 11, my Dad re-married, and I thought this was great. Being the child of a single parent, in those days was difficult. I remember, life at school was really tough. Unfortunately (well, it seemed so at the time), along with a mother, came four older sisters. As far as I was concerned, one big sister to `boss me around' was quite enough to handle.
But of course, she wasn't the wicked stepmother, and there were no wicked step-sisters. We were a family of 7 girls, 2 of which were already married. There wasn't a lot of attention, for a little 11 year old; but I got to have my first birthday party, and I learnt how to brush my hair and even wear a dress. (You need to see my previous school photos to see how important that was to a young girl
Guess which ones me? Guess which girls I wanted to be like?
I burnt the Year 4 photo - it was just too bad!!
A couple of years later, as I moved into my teen years, Mum and Dad decided we needed a boy in the family, so they fostered a 4 year old, Gavin. Gavin had a little disability - a curvature of the spine - though you would never had known. When he got a little older he had to have an operation and wear a brace; so a lot of time was spent with him at hospitals etc. You can also imagine the attention he got from 7 sisters. This was a great addition to the family, and to make things more exciting, we decided it was time to move house. Another change; but what I thought was a good one!!
Over the years, married to a soldier, I discovered how much I loved moving house - I enjoyed change, and coped with it quite well. It was not until the death of my first child, and I went into `therapy' that I discovered that these earlier changes had affected me a little more than I'd realized. I still held some bitterness for the times I had felt abandoned, and what they now call my `rejection syndrome'. It is something, that over the years I have continually struggled with.
I have had my bad days (or should I say months/years) and my good days, but thank the Lord, I have always had Him by my side. We can sometimes see change as a negative, but with God's help, we can find the positives, and find our way to VICTORY!!
THE SERENITY PRAYER
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Author Unknown
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
You Word is a Lamp to My Feet
"Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path." PSALM 119:105
Another reason I love the Bible so much is because, each night my sisters and I would sit at my father's feet, by the fire, and listen to his Bible stories. He would bring the Bible alive, by reading from his big Bible and story book: "Little Stories from God". Here is one I remember:
"A little boy and his father were entering an old mining cave. The little boy was excited as he put on his miner's hat, just like his Dad's. He held his dad's hand tightly. As they walked, he let go of his father's hand and ran ahead. Suddenly there was a crash, and the walls of the cave started to fall down around him. The light on his hat went out and he was in darkness.
He called to his father, "Dad, I can't see you."
His dad called out, "Son, just listen to my voice."
He walked a little bit over the rubble, but he was still scared.
"Dad, I still can't see you."
His father answered him, "Just follow the light on my hat."
Suddenly, he looked and could see a light ahead.
Imagine, how wonderful that little boy felt, as he followed the light and fell into the arms of his father."
That light, our Dad told us, was like the Bible. If we read it everyday and followed it's words, we would one day fall into the arms of God, our Father.
Another reason I love the Bible so much is because, each night my sisters and I would sit at my father's feet, by the fire, and listen to his Bible stories. He would bring the Bible alive, by reading from his big Bible and story book: "Little Stories from God". Here is one I remember:
"A little boy and his father were entering an old mining cave. The little boy was excited as he put on his miner's hat, just like his Dad's. He held his dad's hand tightly. As they walked, he let go of his father's hand and ran ahead. Suddenly there was a crash, and the walls of the cave started to fall down around him. The light on his hat went out and he was in darkness.
He called to his father, "Dad, I can't see you."
His dad called out, "Son, just listen to my voice."
He walked a little bit over the rubble, but he was still scared.
"Dad, I still can't see you."
His father answered him, "Just follow the light on my hat."
Suddenly, he looked and could see a light ahead.
Imagine, how wonderful that little boy felt, as he followed the light and fell into the arms of his father."
That light, our Dad told us, was like the Bible. If we read it everyday and followed it's words, we would one day fall into the arms of God, our Father.
Friday, February 13, 2009
BIG SISTERS
Memories, they tell me can be both good and bad. There are those memories that make you feel really guilty and depressed. Then there are those memories that make you smile and laugh.
When my mother died, back in 1964, I was left with my Dad and my 5 year old sister - a real bossy sister. Well, so it seemed at the time. Whatever game I wanted to play, she would either say `no' and want it her way, or she would have to be `in charge'. But I admired my sister. She was beautiful, she had lots of friends and she was just so clever.
I remember sitting in Church. Everyone would come up and say how wonderful Mary looked today, sitting so nice and quietly. Me, I couldn't sit still if I tried. At school I was always, `Mary's sister'. The teachers would say, "I wish you were as smart as your sister." I tried, but my brain just didn't work as well as hers.
But what I remember most is my big sister, on my first day of school, holding my hand, making sure I didn't fall over, as I had a habit of doing. I remember her sitting by my bed after I had lost my second baby, holding my hand. I remember her smile, as I went up on the stage to receive my Bachelor of Education.
We didn't like the same music or T.V shows, we could probably only last a couple of weeks staying with one another - but we loved going shopping together.
My sister was beautiful, smart and had lots of friends - she was different to me - and sometimes I thought I could never be as good as her. But it didn't matter, we were still SISTERS.
BIG SISTERS
There were times when I was a little girl
And I needed a friend who would play.
I nearly always had my BIG SISTER,
She hardly ever said, `go away'.
There were days when I would struggle
With homework I just couldn't do.
My BIG SISTER would always be there,
And would say, "Can I help you?"
There were days when I'd be unhappy
The kids had teased me at school.
That's when my BIG SISTER would say,
"Don't worry Sis, you're cool!"
I was always falling over and banging my knee.
And she'd always be my `nurse'.
My BIG SISTER would wipe the blood away,
And say, `Now that doesn't hurt."
I always has lots of jobs to do,
But I'd always make a real mess.
My BIG SISTER would always help me out,
So Dad wouldn't yell and get stressed.
My BIG SISTER never gave me a hug
She said that wasn't her thing.
I never heard her say, `I Love You',
But her other words had love to bring.
Today my big sister and I live apart
We are busy with our own lives.
But I always know at the end of the phone,
She'll be there if I get into strife.
There will always be words of encouragement,
Words of guidance and love.
She will always be there to give me a push,
To say those words `never give up'.
There is no one like my BIG SISTER.
My BIG SISTER is easy to find.
She's my teacher, my nurse and my friend,
MY BIG SISTER is ONE OF A KIND.
* This is dedicated to my sister Mary, who passed away on December 25, 2006, from breast/bone cancer. I read this at her funeral
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